Thursday, September 22, 2005

growing pains

when i was in 5th & 6th grades, puberty hit and i really hated it. i remember hating all the growing pains--being teased for being taller than all the boys, my changing body & figuring out how to 'grow up'. i remember crying myself to sleep wanting to just be done with it--to be all grown up. i remember my mom and my godmother telling me not to hurry it, it would happen soon enough.

but i don't remember either of them mentioning that there really isn't an end to it...that part of life is growing and changing. that there will be seasons of change and seasons of rest. i am grateful that i get to continue growing and learning to live more fully as the person God created me to be. but at the moment, i'm in the midst of one of those seasons of change and there's implications in all areas of my life. it's hard and uncomfortable.

and in the midst of this one of the hard lessons is sometimes my best isn't enough. i can't do everything perfectly; i can't make everyone happy all the time. that's hard for me. i'm a natural people pleaser--i really want to make people happy if i can. and there are times i just can't. i'm learning to be okay with that, to be okay with not pleasing everyone and to know that i'm still okay even though someone isn't happy. i think it's part of being more sure of myself, of believing more in who i am and trusting myself.

i'm sure when i get to the end of this season that it will be worth it, but for now, it'd be nice if they made a tylenol for growing pains.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

new jeans

this afternoon, i ended up going downtown to pick up a pair of pants i'd ordered. once down there, i decided i could blow off my original afternoon plan and shop for some new jeans.

i'm picky about jeans...they need to fit just right and look great, but they have to be completely comfy--soft denim, nothing stiff. i hate to shop for jeans alone...i like having a second opinion so deciding to do to try some on alone is a bit unusual. i tried on a half dozen pairs and none fit. i'm in between sizes so some were just a little bit too big, others just a little bit too small. it was getting to be time for a meeting so i gave up my search until a day when a friend can come with.

i was meeting a directee--someone i'm offering spiritual direction for. i've been in a spiritual direction and formation program for a year and a half. this year, we're offering spiritual direction to a couple people as our practical application. on my way home, i realized shopping for jeans is a good metaphor for where i am in life at the moment.

i'm in this odd in-between stage. being a director doesn't quite fit right yet. it feels funny to be the director, to sit and listen to someone and to try and reflect God to them. there are lots of pieces of me--my heart and soul--that feel new, changed different as a result of being in the program and becoming a director. but there are people in my life who don't seem to notice...something that feels for me a lot like wearing a new pair of jeans that i love and feel good in and not having anyone notice.

while i'm still looking for an actual pair of jeans, i'm choosing to keep the spiritual director jeans. i'm trusting that in time that it will feel like a favorite pair of jeans.

the decaf life

it's been just over two weeks since my last caffeinated beverage. once the headaches ended (about 3 days in--the first two were the worst), i've felt better and slept better. i am very grateful for caffeine free versions of diet dp and diet coke. diet cherry 7up is a new favorite.

and even though i get pitying looks from the baristas at starbucks, i can order my decaf, sugar-free vanilla, non-fat latte with a smile.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

"life is a banquet

and most poor suckers are starving to death!" is a line from one of my favorite books and movies, auntie mame. it's one that has some personal meaning for me, but that's a story for another day.

i mention it because it's number 93 on the top 100 movie quotes from the american film institute. it's playing tonite on bravo (you can catch an encore showing either saturday, october 15 or wednesday, november 23--check your local listings for times).

it's pretty fun to watch--especially if you love movies. which makes me wonder, what's your favorite line? mine is "after all, tomorrow is another day." know what movie it's from?

oh...and if you want, check out the afi's list of the top 100 quotes.

Monday, September 05, 2005


today my plan was to hang by the pool and bask in the sun, but yesterday at small group that plan changed. one of my friends mentioned her sister-in-law, who's a director at the red cross, needed help today. she didn't know exactly what we'd be doing but she just knew san diego was getting some evacuees from the hurricane and that more are on the way. i agreed to help.

this morning a group of nine of us showed up at the red cross and were put to work. the guys helped load a truck with supplies to open another shelter for more evacuees arriving later this week. some of us went to work making lunches for 80 evacuees and the volunteers at that shelter, and the staff at the red cross office who were taking hundreds of crisis calls. then a few of us went to the shelter and served lunch, then cleaned up all the foodservice and loaded it up to back to the red cross hq. as we were leaving the shelter we saw a huge plume of smoke that could only mean a wildfire. when we arrived back at the red cross hq, they were gathering people to go up to the fire command post and provide snacks and water and gatorade to the firefighters and other emergency folks working the fire. a couple of us went up for that. as day turned to evening and dinner time, more of our group brought up dinners for the firefighters. as the fire was brought under control, we were released. in addition to providing canteen services, the red cross also set up an emergency shelter for the 200 families evacuated from homes near the fire. it was a busy day.

but i'm sharing this more because i was needed...and you are too. if you have any time at all, your local red cross could use your help. with so many people being deployed to the disaster area along the gulf coast, local red cross chapters need more folks to help. if you have anytime at all, please visit the red cross onlne to connect with your local chapter and find out about the training classes and opportunities to help. i totally recommend felt good to just care for my neighbors.

comments filter

i added a word verification to the comment posting. it's supposed to help minimize the number of comment spams. i've been getting a couple a day for over a week so i'm trying this to see if it helps. i'm sorry if it's a hassle...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

comments deleted

if you post comments that are basically spam, they'll be deleted...

Saturday, September 03, 2005


i love caffeine...or at least caffeinated beverages--diet coke, diet dr pepper, starbucks. but we all know caffeine isn't the healthiest thing for us. at the moment, i'm trying to get completely off caffeine. i have diet decaf and i'm not going close to starbucks.

i cut down to one caffeinated soda a day this last week and now i haven't had any caffeine since yesterday at lunch. i have a monster headache, but i think if i can survive this, i'll be a decaf person... and when the headache leaves, i'll blog about the adventures the ho shirt had last night..