Sunday, October 30, 2005

i should've stayed in bed

i had a lovely lazy day yesterday, but today i'm wishing i'd just stayed in bed. today is the second anniversary of mike yaconelli's trip to heaven. that in and of itself makes me sad. i miss him. i miss his encouragement, both personally and professionally. i especially miss his sense of play & his child-like excitement at pulling off a practical joke or surprise.

but i should've chosen to stay in bed when i woke up after a weird nightmare-sort-of-dream that left me feeling cranky with God. we were at our upcoming convention in nashville and yac was there. all 7500 attendees were stuck in the room that will have convention hq, the store, registration, one life experience and a couple other things. yac was there running around yelling over our nextels trying to figure out what the problem was and who was fixing it while stopping to chat w/attendees. somehow in the dream, i also knew i was someone i know who's a friend that i don't see except at convention. i woke up feeling like it was all a cruel joke and cranky with God that the chance of my being married to this guy ever and mike physically being at our nashville are zero. i woke up sad from missing a friend and from feeling loss over my dream of being a wife and mom. and since it's hard to be cranky with someone not physically present, i just felt generally cranky and irritable. i should've gone back to bed, but instead i got ready and tackled the day.

i went to church and then to small group where i learned that last week when i was at the spam museum, our small group had a rough meeting. a discussion over how to manage a project that is supposed to help our middle school students (most of my small group works with middle school students) develop a larger world view and help kids affected by the aids pandemic in africa had gone rather badly. there were two different views and hurtful words were said on both sides. today, less than 1/2 the group was there and it looks like this is going to be a hard thing for people in our group to recover from...much less the group itself survive intact.

add to that news of a couple of untimely & tragic deaths this weekend and i now have a headache. i know if i'd actually stayed in bed that nothing would have changed, but i might not have a headache or feel completely wiped out again.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

lazy day

today is my first day off in 3 weeks. i've kept it protected to have a lazy day. i've slept in, got up and made some breakfast, did some reading and took nap. i'm thinking i'm going to fix lunch now. i might go for a walk later. i have some fresh veggies to grill for dinner if i'm feeling energetic then or if not, i have a couple of lean cuisines to choose from.

the thing is i have lots of things i should be doing...emails to catch up on, a couple papers to write, some reading to do, laundry and my house seriously needs dusting and vacuuming. but i'm tired. really tired. so today i'm honoring that resting and doing whatever feels relaxing. it's definitely a challenge at moments... the 'shoulds' start sneaking in: i should go throw in a load of laundry, i should start on that paper, i should finish that assigned reading. but thing is if i let the 'shoulds' derail my day, then tomorrow, i'll still be tired and my shoulds won't be done as well as they would be if i did them when i wasn't as tired. and the shoulds will all still be there tomorrow. of course for it to be the ideal lazy day, the real trick is not to allow myself to feel guilty about the shoulds because that would defeat the purpose of a lazy day...

Friday, October 28, 2005

mindi needs

thanks to marko for this.

mindi needs:
  • to be patched.
  • YOUR VOTE!!!
  • to be in another comedy STAT!
  • to understand how your kernel boots.
  • to iron out a few more technical details and she will be winning.
  • a caption!
  • to learn that geeks are geeks because they learn.
  • to quit being a trance hater and come with us!!
  • to buy Sonic.
  • updating.
  • an award for her patience and overall laid back attitude.
  • to get some sleep.
and that seems like a good place to end.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

idiot girl in minnesota

marketing girl with cute shoes, soul searching, women in ministry, spam (yup, the canned meat stuff) and research methodologies, add a huge mall and a rollercoaster ride and that's my trip to minnesota in a nutshell.

the association of youth ministry educators has an annual meeting and since i work with a number of them through our academic support network, i was able to attend. it was totally great to see these folks among their peers and hashing out research that is currently being done and its implications on what and how they're teaching their students who are becoming professional youth pastors. of course, i am not an academic by any stretch of the imagination and my brain got a workout tracking with phrases like "moral therapuetic deism" and "the intersection of eccesiology with the constructs of current applied practical theology". there were some really interesting conversations around a new study, the results of which are published as soul searching by dr. christian smith. kenda deans book practicing passion was also touched upon. i have some reading to do. another section of the conversaton focused on the research methodologies used and how the method may impact the results. i have to say i was very grateful for my friend amy, or dr. jacober as she has earned the right to be called. she patiently answered my questions and translated the academic-ese during the conference.

in addition to the translation services amy provided, it was interesting to talk about women in ministry. we had some conversation around the fact that there are still people who believe that women shouldn't be in formal ministry. it is just crazy that this is still a struggle for women. i look at women in the bible, such as esther and deborah who were leaders for their people and at the fact that after his resurrection jesus first appeared to women and they were the ones who first believed what they say and were the one to deliver the good news that he had risen, and it blows me away that there is still an issue with women being in ministry.

on the lighter side, the conference was in rochester, mn. and for an outing, we loaded into buses and headed to austin, mn--home of the spam museum. yep, you read that right,spam museum. it's actually won awards for being the best musuem related to a food product--it beat out hershey. anyway, it was quite a hoot with lots of great kitschy spam items. my personal faves were the spam temporary tat and the limited edition spam-a-lot spam. and another fun perk of the trip was the fact that minnesota has some very picturesque farm country that had just gorgeous fall color between rochester and minneapolis. oh, that and mall of america. amy and i had lunch there and then rode the roller coaster at camp snoopy. in a random note, i've now ridden the roller coaster in the world's largest mall (edmonton, alberta, canada) and in america's largest mall. i'm wondering if there are other malls with roller coasters i should check out...

Sunday, October 23, 2005

from the road

first a quick update from the last post:
pittsburgh was good. had a primanti bros. sandwich (cheesesteak with fries and slaw on the sandwich)--not a big ass burger, but good nonetheless. it was a good week with great opportunities to connect with people. especially fun were the random shopping trips (not the mall kind, the "oh crap, we need a _________" so run out and get it kind), and meals with friends. there was even a girls dinner with myself, jamie, lilly and jeannie which was so fun and ranged from laughter to tears and back.

i returned from pittsburgh on tuesday and left on thursday to go to planet wisdom and to the association of youth ministry educators meeting. planet wisdom was fabulous. mark matlock has a great team of folks and this year's event is their best yet. be sure to check it out when it comes to your area. from there i headed north to minnesota where i'm currently writing from. when i arrived i had a couple of hours to spend before meeting up with jay howver to drive from minneapolis to rochester for the ayme conference. since the mall of america (mecca for a shopaholic like me) is only 5 minutes from the airport, i headed there. i should have clued into this becoming an idiot girl trip when it took me three tries to end up in the right lane to just get into the parking garage. on the third try i made it (woohoo!) but didn't end up with much time because of the whole circling the mall on various freeways thing. maybe i'll post the details later because it was kind of funny.

now i'm at the ayme conference. it's quite an experience for a self-proclaimed idiot girl. i feel a lot like julia roberts in pretty woman when she went to the business dinner with richard gere. on the upside, these folks are great and have made me feel so welcome. there are a number of the professors i've worked with through our academic network and it's fun to spend some time with them outside our conventions. it's also been a great view into their world. i'll have to write more about this later but here's a few items for a sneak preview: marketing girl with cute shoes, soul searching, women in ministry, spam (yup, the canned meat stuff) and research methodologies. stay tuned.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

on the road again

tonite, i'm all packed up and ready to fly out in the morning for pittsburgh and our next convention. i'm excited about personally meeting people i only know thru phone and email. and of course, i'm excited to see old friends.

i'm surprised to find that pittsburgh feels a bit nostalgic for me. i've only been there one other time for our convention that was there 3 years ago. it just has some happy memories, but ones that also indicate change and the continuing journey of life that only pauses never stops.

it was the first time i'd gotten to know a new friend. we ended up not being out late socializing, but being up late girl-talking. she's about my age, single and in ministry. we had lots to talk about. betsey lives here in san diego, but we still spent more time together during that week than we have since. and it was very fun.

pittsburgh was home of liberty tavern and the big ass burger. sadly we found out during sacramento that the liberty tavern is gone and the big ass burger is no more.

i remember going up the duquesne incline for dinner with our staff on the last night. it was an italian place that for some reason i remember mike yaconelli being very excited about. the place felt old mafia italian and the food was amazing. i remember looking out over the rivers as we rode up and down the incline and just laughing with our staff. it was a fun night.

i also remember the fish market restaurant in the hotel and having a glass of wine with a couple of friends--one of whom i didn't know very well at the time but was a bit awed by--jim hancock--who is completely stinking brilliant--and thinking how amazing it was and the mix of people.

it was also the city where my friend for years, david welch, was offered and accepted a job at ys. three years later, he's our director of marketing and my boss (and still my friend).

it'll be interesting to see what memories i make in pittsburgh this time.

Thursday, October 06, 2005


i've been pondering and treasuring something that happened last sunday night.

i was saying goodbye to a friend and as we hugged, he said to my ear "bye beautiful". he wasn't being flip or teasing, which is the typical character of our friendship. there was something tender and genuine about how he said it--enough that it struck something deep within me. and it's stayed with me for days since.

i never think of myself as beautiful--inside or out. i'm too self-concious of my inner and outer flaws, failings, shortcomings to believe that about myself. but something about how he said it has made me feel beautiful, inside and out. it has helped me to believe a little more deeply that it is how god sees me--as his beautiful and beloved.

i'm sure my friend has no idea the impact of his words. and i'm fairly sure i'm too shy to point it out to him--especially since our friendship is more casual and kidding in nature. but that use of the word 'beautiful' has been truly a gift to treasure...

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

surreal day & san fran airport

i returned home from our first of three national youth workers conventions. i'm tired. really tired. when i came in and dropped my bags on the floor, i was pretty happy to be home and grateful that i'd cleaned house before i left.

it feels strange to be home tonite knowing that it's temporary. i fly to our next convention on monday and since my flight is at 6:30am, i'm spending the night with friends who live downtown on sunday. it'll be much easier to get to the airport that way. i took a nap, checked email and ran to the store to pick up a few groceries...very few--just enough to last til sunday. i unpacked my dirty clothes to wash and repack them.

but the surreal part of the day was the trip home. we (myself and a couple of friends/coworkers) flew home on united by way of san francisco. i've never been to san fran, but my friend marko
has had interesting experiences in the san fran airport. today was my turn. as we were walking thru the terminal, we noticed the red carpet club was closed--by the police with all the staff standing outside. we were kinda laughing about it being closed by police on bikes. as we were sitting in an airport restaurant having breakfast, jay noticed that our airport was on the news--there'd been a bomb scare and apparently part of our terminal had been evacuated--the red carpet club and surrounding area. we could look out the window at the restaurant and see the bomb truck on the tarmac with other emergency vehicles. we were never affected but it was a bit odd to be watching your airport on the news. after that we headed for the gate and i stopped by the bookstore. as i turned around my backpack brushed a man standing behind me. i said 'oh excuse me' and he muttered something inaudible under his breath. as i walked past him, i thought 'hmm, he looks familiar--he kinda looks like sean penn.' i didn't think too much about it and kept browsing the books. i turned a corner and he was standing on the aisle and looked up at me and said 'hey' so i said 'hey' and picked up a book that caught my eye. i decided to just get the magazine i'd picked up so i headed to the cashier passing him one more time. i was definitely thinking he looked a lot like sean penn but much shorter..he's about my height. when i walked up to the register two women were there being kinda giddy--"did you sean penn--i can't believe he's in here" kinda conversation. so, kinda weird but said 'hey' to a movie star today w/o acting starstruck. weird things do happen in the san fran airport...