contented? or afraid?

today one of my co-workers told me she wanted to set me up with a mutual acquaintance whom she'd recently gotten to know a little better. she thinks we'd have fun and that he's a good guy. he's cute, tall (a trait which i love but don't require in a guy) and seems to have a good sense of humor. he seems like he'd be interesting to get to know.

the funny thing is my first reaction wasn't "yippee!" it was more "i don't know" and totally wishy-washy which is weird for me. i usually am a bit shy, but i'm usually at least interested in the idea. and today, all i could think was it sounded like a lot of effort. effort to put my best foot forward, to get to know someone, to invest, to risk. it just sounded like too much. and in my head, i went fast forward to what if we get along, what in my life would have change for us to have a relationship? and do i really want to change my life?

which all led to me thinking wow, am i really that contented with my life? i do love where i live, i love my job (98% of the time), i have great friends...life is good. but there's this part of me that has always wanted to be married and a mom and if i'm not careful i can get caught up in envying my married friends who have a family and aren't on their own. so why if i've spent so long dreaming about having that do i not jump at a chance to take the first step towards that life--a date?

am i really that contented in my life? or am i afraid to risk? or am i afraid that finding love will take more work and be less romantic than i hope for?

new favorite food

yesterday at trader joe's i was looking for some whole wheat pasta when a box of organic brown jasmine rice caught my eye.

i'd never tried organic brown jasmine rice, but i liked jasmine rice so i thought why not? i know brown rice is better for me than white rice and organic has to be even better. i was a little bummed that it takes an hour to make, but that even worked out. it smells wonderful while it's cooking and tastes even better and it's really good for me. no preservatives, no fat, just healthy fiber and a touch of protein. it's my new favorite side dish.

tulsa and grand rapids

by way of catching up, my vaca in tulsa was really good. i had a great time catching up with friends, hanging with the family. it was the first trip back in a year that didn't involve any drama with one or both of my parents which was a nice change of pace.

i had an especially good time at the lion king which was the main reason for my visit. it is an amazing production. i felt totally add the whole time in that there was so much to see i never really knew where to look. i have a feeling i could see it a couple more times and still not take it all in. i knew it was going to be amazing when the animals paraded in thru the audience. i really wanted a giraffe and a baby elephant...those costumes were especially incredible. the whole production is just genius in costuming and choreography and staging.

i came home from tulsa, spent a couple days in the office and headed out for a whirlwind trip to grand rapids for some software training on a new system. i took off at 6:30 am in san diego and landed in grand rapids at 3:30 pm. i took off again the next day at 6:30 pm. very crazy with a 3 hour time change. it was good. the people at z were completely gracious and helpful. it did make me a little melancholy though. i found myself really missing yac while i was there. it's always at unexpected moments that missing someone sneaks up on you. and while missing someone is hard, it's also a positive reminder of caring for that someone.

romantic comedy

so, i've recently seen two romantic comedies, prime and the break-up. i was so disappointed. while they had funny moments, they just weren't that romantic or really funny. they were more funny because it's that painful irony you recognize from stuff in your own life and it's easier to laugh than cry.

but this afternoon turner classic movies is making up for it showing how to marry a millionaire and pillow talk. they are two of my all-time favorites. i'm spending my afternoon vegging on the couch watching these classics.

i wonder if hollywood has forgotten what makes a truly great romantic comedy, a light-hearted script and a happy ending with everyone living happily ever after. we already get the irony, the pain and a lack of happily ever after in real life, why pay for it at the movies?

my inner european

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous! You drink everyone under the table.

Who's Your Inner European?