Thursday, August 04, 2005

slowly returning

after nearly two weeks away from home (one week in tulsa, another few days at a retreat center in malibu for my spiritual formation and direction)i'm finally starting to settle back into my more normal routines... today i got online and turned on the tv for the first time since i returned home.

getting back into the routines of life has been suprisingly challenging. during my week in tulsa, i was online a little bit...but nothing compared to normal. i also didn't watch much tv... a late night episode of designing women before bed was about it. i did go to the pool, take naps, read and mostly just hung out with friends and family. when i went to malibu, internet access and tv just aren't options... my cell phone coverage wasn't even good there. during that time i connected with my friends in my class, but mostly i just connected with myself and god. i came to the realization that i have an identity that doesn't revolve around my singleness or my job or my role in my family or what i do for my friends...this may not come as a surprise to some people, but it was quite a shock for me. when i think of myself all those external things seem to define me or at least did. i think this may be why it's been so challenging to reengage in my typical world... i like the person i'm finding underneath the layers, the me who just is, i'm a little afraid this me might slowly evaporate, becoming invisible again, lost in the noise and rush of life... so, for now... i think i'll just keep taking things slow...

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