Sunday, May 29, 2005


on an episode of sex & the city carrie observes, "maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be". as someone who tries to follow jesus, this is something i believe, that whole becoming a new creation in christ--i believe that is something that happens when you choose to follow christ. and i knew that becoming more christ-like was part of the journey, the whole task of following him. but somehow, i've had a fixed idea of what becoming more christ-like is supposed to be. in growing up in the bible belt, there was a definite image of what it looked like: married, good kids, good jobs, decent income, nice house in nice neighborhood with good schools, active in the church, active in the community...blah, blah, blah... i went on mission trips and i saw christians who looked different than that, but where i was from, it was important to look like the other christians. only i couldn't quite manage that completely--i was over 30 & single and had questions about my faith. then i moved to california...a total god thing (maybe i'll post that story someday). now i'm learning that following christ doesn't have a particular look--that it actually is unique to each person with some common characteristics(fruits of the spirit). it's a lesson i've been learning since the day i arrived. but i'm just starting to realize that i'm included in this...i don't have to have a certain 'look' to be a christ-follower. i'm finding that living into that realization is challenging. it requires risk and vulnerability. it requires me to find out who i am without any masks. i'm scared and excited all at the same time... of letting go of some of my past and of the path that takes me to who i'm meant to become. i'm realizing that for me to become who i'll be means daily letting go of some of who i was... if only there were an instruction manual for this...

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