cool kids & idiot girls

i wish i were a cool kid...you know the ones who always seem to have it together; the ones who are quick with comeback, whose joke always gets a laugh, who seem to have a ridiculous amount of self-confidence, for whom a bad day is a lousy parking place.

i am not a cool kid...i am, as author laurie notaro puts it, an idiot girl... the one who has a bad hair day the same day she's bloated, overdraws her checking account & manages to have to go to more than one gas station to actually get gas. i've actually had a bird poo on my hair, my shirt and my pants while i was sneaking out for a clove. when i manage to come up with the quick comeback (especially to a cool kid), it's all i can do to feign non-chalance while trying to resist jumping up down and screaming 'i got you, i got you, i got you' in the annoying sing-song voice of a 10 year old girl and trust me when i get home, i mark it on the calendar...whatever happened to my 2002 calendar that had that day in june marked? i think i've become used to life as an idiot girl...i don't think i could switch to the other side, could i? so is there even a way to switch sides? or are you immediately recognized as an imposter and sent to some category beyond the idiot girls who at least know how to laugh at themselves over a vat of martinis...