shopping hazards

tonite i went to target and encountered the shopping hazard that has to be one of my biggest pet peeves: pack people.

pack people are those people who come to the store or mall in groups of 4 or more. the travel in a little pack that moves somewhat like an amoeba. they take up whole aisles; they block whole sections of displays all trying to look at the same thing at the same time; they are so inward focused, they are unaware the traffic congestion they create in a store. i loathe pack people especially when you politely say 'excuse me' to be able to manouever yourself through the aisle or to reach something on one of the shelves they've been looking at for a good 5 minutes and they treat you like you're the one being rude. i really detest pack people. and i frequently shop late so i can avoid them. but tonite in target, there were 3 groups of them, blocking entire aisles at times. seriously, does it take all 9 members of the family to pick out the box of mac 'n cheese?

the other shopping hazards i've encountered of late have been a little more exotic. a few nights ago, i was in target (what can i say i'm a regular there). anyway the lady in front of me in the checkout line is looking past me and getting very pale. i asked if she was okay and she says "oh my god! there's a giant lizard!" in a very frantic hushed voice. I whip around looking at the floor for the giant lizard when the lady walks next to me and points and says thru gritted teeth, "no, over there, on that woman". and there it is. a giant brownish green lizard that was at least 2 feet long. it's head and front paws/claws/feet (whatever the right name is) were on her shoulder, the rest of it was down the front of her chest and stomach. and the most bizarre part of all was that the lizard was on a leash--a leash with rhinestones and a collar full of rhinestones to match.

and finally, i've been working part-time at a friend's gift shop on the weekends. last weekend, a customer from behind me said "excuse me", and as i turned to help him, out of my mouth popped "oh my, you have a bird!". the guy was walking around, kinda like a pirate, with a giant cockatoo on his shoulder. i did manage to actually answer the guy's question.

seriously though, i've gotten used to people bringing their dogs of all sizes with them everywhere. i'm just not ready to regularly encounter birds and lizards when i'm shopping. i mean what's next--shopping with your pet python coiled around your arm? taking your mini-horse through the mall on a leash?

i know most malls are smoke free; and some now have restrictions on teens. i think i'd like to request my stores and malls be animal-free except for assistance animals. oh, and if they could be free of pack people, the world would be a much better place.