womanhood

tonite some friends and i had a blessing service for a friend of ours who's pregnant with her first child and due in a few weeks. it was a wonderful evening where we celebrated with food, words and ritual the life passage of becoming a mother. as part of the celebration, my friends--who are all moms--shared storeis and memories of becoming a mother and the birthing process. my home was filled with love, laughter and the intimacy shared between women. now, the house is quiet and i find myself feeling rather melancholy. and i realize it's pretty unlikely i'll ever have a birth story of my own to share. i've known for awhile now that it's pretty unlikely i'll ever be able to become pregnant and in many ways i feel as though i've come to terms with it. but sitting here now, it's hard to not feel a little cheated because i'm missing out on this amazing part of being a woman. it's hard to not feel a little less female, less feminine. this statue is in trafalgar square. i took a picture of it for jeannie. i liked the statue, but i didn't feel particularly connected to it. i think i realize why now.